I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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