i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my shit smells like andre
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
