He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
