you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
