as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize