My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
