Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
