I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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