can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
either way he was missing a nipple.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
