Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
