We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
