quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
