You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
