I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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