She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
