it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
