this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Randomize
