I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
