well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
