I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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