Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We need to get me chipped asap
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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