he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
