My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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