Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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