I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
