so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
