Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
