he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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