we have officially lost it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
