This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
