You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
