brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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