just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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