I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
