they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
