Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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