My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
