have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
