dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
