She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
