I'm pants shitting drunk right now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
