I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
