If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize