I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
