Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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