to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
