Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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