you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
