Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
