Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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