How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
