Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
