I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
