I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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