I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
