Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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