I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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