Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You were trust falling into bushes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
