Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
