just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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